A few months ago, during a somatic therapy session, I discovered that my psyche was still active in a version of myself who was held in an unsafe position. My nervous system has still been untangling from something I survived years ago.
I found myself with this underlying belief that I couldn’t trust anyone to hold me, and I’ve been moving through the world as if I had to do everything myself.
While this programmed a sense of strength, courage, and resiliency within me, it also denied me the opportunity to be fully supported by my community. I see this version of myself as a bank-less river.
Since coming into this awareness, I’ve been practicing noticing how I am held by All That Is around me every single day. I had finances on my mind a few weeks ago, and then I found a $2 bill resting at my feet at a small town gas pump. Held by my Great Grandparents who would gift us $2 bills every Christmas. A few days ago, I was feeling a heaviness on my heart, and then met a new friend (above) at a trailhead who I’m now caravanning with and adventuring Utah. Held by my intuition for choosing to go to that trail that day (instead of going to camp early to journal and go deeply into my feels, as I had planned), and held by the universe for guiding us together.
I could go on and on. I hope this practice inspires you to explore all the ways that you are held, too.
As my book is beginning to meet the hands of many of you, I am feeling so HELD beyond words. This book exposes parts of myself who were hurting for what felt like many lifetimes. It journeys from the painful questioning of “Who Am I?” to the peaceful understanding of, “I am.” It feels collective to the experience we’ve all suffered of betrayal and heartache.
I’ve been receiving messages of support for all that I am–not just the person who successfully published a book, but the one who embraced all that she did in order to do so. I feel like the mother of The One Who Weeps proud to see her baby receiving all the love she deserves. It feels like the end of a long battle.
While I know that I’ve been held, to feel held after all this time is indescribable. Thank you all for supporting me through this book. Thank you for receiving these Sunday love letters with an open heart and resonance. Thank you, more than anything, for being YOU.
I love you.
Xoxo,
Em
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