I sent a voice memo to a friend last night – the one from this story that I met in Oregon a few months ago – and caught myself getting full body goosebumps over my own life. I said, “Everything I’ve ever dreamed of is right here, Now.”
It felt shifting.
If you’ve been on my newsletter for a while, you might’ve picked up that I was going though a mental health crisis this past Fall. In my depths of despair, when I found myself even lost from hope, I still incessantly wrote about my dreams. I still do today, but the energy behind the words feels different. Back then, I was begging, pleading, angrily crying out for something to change. “I need, I need, I need.” I like to say with anything in life: don’t over-knead the dough; a metaphor for my meticulously tended-to trauma.
I dreamed of sharing this way of living with others. Of laying under the stars and playing Mario Party in the back of my van. I dreamed of finding others who are passionate about the outdoors who I could learn from, and who I could teach a thing or two as well. I dreamed of community with shared offerings; a reciprocity of unconditional love. I dreamed of my Truth being released and my heart finding peace. Everything I cried out for is here. And, now I know, it always has been.
This stretch of time between dreaming and fruition has brought me to a deepening of acceptance for the pace at which we move. It is a reminder that we are multi-dimensional beings. My intuition moves quickly with clarity, my physical body goes through seasons, much like Mother Earth, and my emotional body vibrates at a slowness that used to scare me, but doesn’t anymore. I think with enough self love, you learn to tend to your emotions like that of an innocent child. I think of it like trying to walk a two-year-old through a grocery story–it takes patience and often doesn’t go as planned. So why not have fun with it.
I hope my story brings comfort to wherever you are in yours. I hope you continue to fearlessly move through what your body calls in you, and meet yourself with mountains of love.
I’ll close with my favorite saying lately, in hope to inspire you to try something new.
“I do not want you to live vicariously through me,
I want you to live courageously through yourself.”
All my love, always,
Em